Thursday, February 03, 2005

I should come with a warning label

Oh yes, gentle readers, I have gone and done it again. Let mouth run rampant without checking with brain first. I can't believe they let me out of the house.

This really happened, just a few minutes ago...

I go to the dry cleaners to drop of my husbands shirts (which I should have done Monday - oops!) and I figure since I'm going, I'd drop off our comforter and return some hangers (in AZ, where I just moved here from, they take them and recycle them) because he is usually the one who goes and he never remembers to take anything but his shirts - selfish shit. Our dry cleaners ROCKS because you just drive up to a sliding glass door and they either get all your smelly items out or put your nicely pressed and cardboard-like items in. No tipping expected! I wish they sold Big Gulps.

Me (to boy, easily half my age, who comes out to help me): I just want you to know that I KNOW I'm being a lazy ass when I just pull up.

Boy (laughing): No problem. That's what I'm here for.

Me: I have that bag there and I brought you back some hangers.

Boy: Oh you can just throw those away.

Me: Oh! I'm sorry! I thought you recycled them.

Boy: No. We just throw them away when you bring them back.

Me: Sorry! I had no idea. Maybe there's an abortion clinic around that might need them. (Yes, god help me, this actually popped out of my mouth, verbatim)

Boy: (looking stunned and scared)

Me: Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I'm totally kidding. Oh my god!

Boy: (backing slowly away) heh heh

Seriously people. When are they going to come a drag me back to the depths of the swamp from whence I came?

If my kids ever date, they are NEVER going to bring anyone home for dinner. Ever!