Sunday, February 27, 2005

Is It a Full Moon or is it Just Me?

I went to a school fundraiser last night. Not really dressy, but I did kick it up a notch for the evening. I wore underwear and everything.

After I was there for a while, roaming the room, looking at auction items (I won a fabulous picture, by the way, but all I wanted was the frame and it was still a steal) I realized I wasn't sure when was the last time I had been in a room with so many people my age. My age and older. Doesn't happen very often.

Then I realized something else entirely. I don't think I've ever really pointed out to myself how little I met people's eyes. I will look around, but as soon as someone looks me in the eyes I look away.

Trust me, it's not because I have a submissive personality. Just the opposite. I'm to much of a dominant personality so that when I meet anyone's eyes, male or female, it feels like I'm challenging them. If I actually lock eyes for any amount of time it's like marking that person. Then, even if I look away, it's like I can still feel them. Then the rest of the evening, I can feel them. Weird, I know.

It's sexual and it's powerful and, frankly, it's exhausting. Maybe that's why I try not to look.