Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Soooooooo NOT Chubby Hugs

I love my mom, my bro, the hub and my MIL. But I HATE hugging them.

Why? Because I SUCK at it. I zig when I should zag. I think I squeeze to hard. I feel awkward and gigantic. I hate it when the hugee PATS me or rubs my back.

I think of hugs like I think of shopping - get in, get it done and get the hell out.

My own kids are about the only two humans I actually enjoy hugging. But hugging children is tricky business. I want to squeeze them so hard that they goosh back into me and I can carry them around inside of me, tucked away safely, like before they were born. Kids don't CARE what you want. They have their own time table. You don't hug them, THEY hug YOU.

My cousin is the extreme version of me. She has what she calls "the bubble". She pretty much prefers everyone to be at arms length at all times. But she also makes an exception for children. She says she will hug anyone "this height" (leveling hand at waist). She has casually mentioned that dating can be a bit strained. I'm sure.

When we left AZ I didn't even hug my best friend of 20 years goodbye. I don't feel remotely bad about it and, being my BF for so long, I don't think she even thought twice about it. I would probably feel worse if I hugged her.

It's not because I'm cold or remote. I'm a total slosh who can pretty much be counted on to cry at every Hallmark commercial. I am the moron who actually SOBS OUT LOUD in movie theatres (or at least I used to until my husband refused to accompany me to anything that might remotely have a sad spot). Sad spots featuring children are strictly verboten. I am STILL traumatized by "Pay it Forward". Hub refuses to let me even SEE "John Q", even in the privacy of my own home, for fear of the tirade I will go on.

I don't know why I hate hugging. Maybe I'll have a good Jung / Freud pow-wow on the other side and let them figure it out.

PS - I'm getting cremated so no one can hug my dead body.