Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Mr. Clean

Today I want to wax poetic about the beauty of bald headed men.

Why? Because you guys are ADORABLE! Especially since so many of you see it as such a chink in your Man Armor. It tends to make you a little shyish and uncertain. S-E-X-Y!!!

Did I mention that my dad is pretty much bald (he's the Bruce Willis scruffy/shaved bald)? Plus I just found out that there are more than one of you (bald-ish guys I mean) that read this tripe (I don't know why, but, er, thanks!).

I have this friend in Nebraska who was well on his way last time I saw him (10-ish years ago) and have seen more recent pictures showing that progress has indeed been made. He was pretty self-conscious about it. I told him to knock it off. He had these AMAZING blue/green eyes - the kind where he would be talking to me and I would have to go "What?" because I realized I was so busy staring that I wasn't following the conversation. He also had fabulous laugh lines AROUND his eyes. It was a miracle I could ever hold up my end of a conversation.

My stepsister's husband is bald and he is one of the kindest people I have ever met. At Christmas he always brings a BUFFET of batteries, all sizes, because he never wants a kid to be unable to play with a new toy on Christmas due to lack of battery power. Love him I tell you!

A friend back in AZ is bald and has a big wart on his head. I always tell him that I think the wart is a secret button which, if pushed in the correct sequence of hard-soft-long-short, will enable him to instantly formulate the cure for cancer. He never lets me push it though. I know, you think he'd be a little more willing to suffer for the good of mankind. Apparently not.

I think that which makes you different makes you interesting. I am completely intrigued by scars. I ALWAYS want to know what happened.

I am physically empathetic to the wounds of others. If I see a booboo or hear about how someone was hurt, I get an electric shock up the back of my legs. It's pretty weird actually. I learned recently that it happens to my mom too, so obviously it's an inheritable trait. Wonder if my kids will get it.

I am curious of people with wandering eyes or limps. I really like those speeding around in wheelchairs or even just temporarily soldiering on in casts. People who don't let life kick them in the butt. People who say, "Oh yeah? Well I'll show YOU!"

I was in Toys R' Us a while back and saw a family standing in line. Their son was very handicapped and in a fancy wheelchair. The mom was bending down to tie his shoe and the dad was talking to him. They were both smiling at him and touching him and making little jokes. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen . You could just FEEL how much they loved him. He could start growing another head and I don't think they would have cared. Awesome.

A good friend of mine is getting breast implants next month. I talk / joke about getting them ALL the time (trust me people, Victoria's Secret isn't exactly hounding me to come model bras for them), but I just can't pull the trigger. I am seriously worried that there will be some freak accident and I will die during the surgery. Then my kids would have to grow up knowing that their mom DIED - left them! - just to get bigger boobs. No thanks. Pass!

Wait, what happened here? I swear I was going to talk about cute bald men! Oh well, I'll just go spy on you all with the Google satellite maps. You're easy to pick out.