Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Blogger Pyramid Scheme

The hits just keep rolling.....

Brian the good news is I didn't have anything else to write about today (since FIL went home). The BAD news is I know where you work, you punk! What were you thinking??!!

"The object of this exercise is simple. Pick five from the list and complete the phrase. Feel free to add additional occupations after you've done yours. Pass it on to others. Silly? Yeah. Fun? Of course!"

Obviously, I didn't write that.

The List

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate...(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember...(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner...(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor... (By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent...(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer...(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist...(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker...(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict (by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star (by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime (by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer (by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep (by laine)
If I could be a masseuse (by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver (by Brian)
If I could be a priest (by Brian)

If I could be a linguist - I would be cunning. Then everyone would say, "There goes that cunning linguist." I would smile, wave and tell them "cunning linguist THIS" in Swahili.

If I could be a mime - I would put a fake blood pack under my black & white mime costume. I would have a big cannon of a handgun loaded with blanks. I would charge people $50 to shoot me and I would cry out in a decidedly unmime-like manner as my bloody corpse fell to the pavement. I would make tons of money because everyone hates mimes.

If I could be a domestic engineer - I would call myself a housewife, because I would know I wasn't fooling anyone with the hokey title.

Jesus, I have to do five of these? This sucks!

I'm changing the rules.

If I could be a scientist/hooker - I would invent an addictive lipgloss so that once men kissed me they would be hooked. I could charge them any price and I wouldn't even have to put out (unless, you know, I REALLY wanted to). They would go into withdrawal if they tried to avoid me. It would be painful. Then when they came crawling back I would charge them double because they had been naughty. I would avoid Charlie Sheen.

If I could be a porn star/writer - I would be Jenna Jameson. There's nothing new under the sun people.

If I could be a psychologist/innkeeper - I would adorn all the rooms with Rorschach test art. Every room with be monitored with tiny hidden cameras. There would be actual boogie men under every bed. I would write a paper about my findings. I would keep the name and location of my inn secret but I would hint wildly that I was owned by the Hilton Corporation.

If I could be a doctor/chef - I wouldn't have to worry about where to hide the bodies if I botched an operation.

If I could be a chimney sweep/artist - I would only do charcoals. Wait, that was too easy. That is exactly why I skipped crack addict/taxi driver.

If I could be a writer - I wouldn't need to blog with all you amateurs.