Friday, May 06, 2005

The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill and Came Down a Blog

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I really have no ambitions and i am a total slacker

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"You were willing to give up your soul mate, so you could get a different piece of ass, from someone you know it won't work out with."

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If each of us hires people who are smaller than we are, we shall become a company of dwarfs. But if each of us hires people who are bigger than we are, we shall become a company of giants.

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During the weekend someone got engaged, someone got swiped by a bear, a little girl wandered into camp lost in the middle of the night and 3 Top Gun pilots plunged into the glacier-freezing river.

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Upon hanging up the phone, I realized that my cat was not wearing underwear.

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Congress needs to quickly allocate more funding to the United States fledgling “Freestyle Mustache” program or we’re going find ourselves loosing the Mustache Race to the Luxemburg.

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ever had one of those mornings where you get out of the shower, look in the mirror, and there is a big huge booger in your hair?....

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I'm buying iodine tablets, constructing a bomb shelter, learning to play the electric guitar and then, I'm going to lose about twenty pounds so my hip huggers won't look so disgusting while I'm burning my big gay bra on national television in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

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Despite some cool people, lots of pot and alcohol, a gay club, lots of free clothes and some of my favorite bands, this weekend was pretty sucky.

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Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

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Apparently the patron saint of complete morons was on duty, however, as he was merely injured and not reduced to a pile of idiotic ash

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it is in these moments when you realize that after school specials may have failed some of it's viewers.

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All I can say is that I respect Nature's decision to make men and women different.

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I like animals- especially with mashed potatoes and gravy.

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She's saving orphans from a burning building while acting as her alter-ego The super powered Nose Ring Girl?

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So tip your glass to Mexicans when you have the chance because you never know when the next time is when you'll be drunk and hungry for a burrito at 5AM on a weekend night.

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Unless thinking, DIE DIE DIE every time a coworker speaks to me can be called working

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the mothership never came back for me, those fucking wankers.

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Now if they could only invent a ring that pours a Jack and Diet Coke, I'd be all set.

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It's one thing to get dissed in public but it's another to get dissed over the phone by some guy who most likely looks like a sea donkey.

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I guess that's a good thing -- I mean, we've ALL had those embarrassing moments where we walk into an aisle looking for a book only to hit a wall of unbelievably putrid fart-funk that, most likely, was left by that fat balding dude standing by himself and looking around nervously.

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And here she was in front of me, like an angel who'd been down the road of hard knocks a few times but still had a few rounds left in her.

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