Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Blog Wars - Episode Three

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You know, we Canadians excel at sex in canoes, according to Canadian legend Pierre Berton, but I think I’d need some pointers on the horseback thing, especially since I’ve been thrown from horses before--

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If one bee stings, it releases an alarm that smells like bananas.

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You don't have to pee any worse than I do.

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The preceding has been brought to you by the letters Q and W and the number 32767.

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If someone tells you that you are his angel, that he finds God in your eyes, that the stars have told him that you are the one he with whom he is to spend his life forever… does it make you cringe?

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Just because you're decaf, skim milk, sugar free raspberry latte's milk wasn't heated exactly to 120 degrees does not mean that the world is going to fall apart.

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Okay, sadly I think I am making far too many mistakes (all kinds, you name it, I made it).

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The moral: Target’s great, but don’t give your number out to people you meet there.

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Thanks to the skills of a very nice lesbian vet and $465.00!

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Actually, somewhere along the line, we were attacked with trivia by none other than Mary Poppins.

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Julio, the Brazilian bathroom attendent, teaches me how to say "I want to put my tongue in your ass", in Portuguese.

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"Yyyyyyyyyeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" rang out from the crowd, as if they were delighted to see he chose a quality, common sense product over, oh, i don't know, human lard.

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I really love fire.

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I'm a real nertz when it comes to the icky poohs.

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I have fallen into the trap that marketing men set to make me feel outdated and unhip.

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Hey. Anything I can do to make your life easier. Well, almost anything. Ok, maybe nothing.

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See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Politician, there ain't nothin' left but an asshole and a briefcase.

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Maybe to the rainforest pygmies it's common sense, but not the type of thing a "modernized" person considers all that common.

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Has your uvula ever drooped enough to cause you such discomfort you wondered if it would ever firm up again.

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And no, I do not need a hug.

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