Thursday, June 30, 2005

Ode to The Tree by The Apple

My dad & his wife were just here for a couple of days visiting. I wish it had been longer. They are two of the coolest people to just be around. The are fun and snarky and laid back, all at the same time.

My dad's wife is just one awesome chick. She is one of those Midwest cooks that can whip-up the most fabulously tasty meal, including a variety of homemade desserts, and when you compliment her she gives you a look like "What the hell are you talking about? I just threw some stuff on the table." Truly. Awesome.

She has had to keep the cooking down to a dull roar after my dad has his triple-bypass in 2000. She is the only person I know who can make something out of a Weight Watcher's cookbook and you'll want seconds. It's magic I tell you!

She once made this crockpot ham for my grandmother's 90th birthday party that was so good I just could NOT stop eating it. I was so full I had to stand up and I STILL could NOT stop eating it. I thought I was even being sneaky when I stationed myself around the corner from where I sat on the food table so I could pop out and snatch tasty hunks every 64.5 seconds or so. Sly dog that I am. My step-sister finally came up to me and said, "Are you EVER going to stop eating?".

Um, yes, I am. I'm stopping right now. Thank you for saying that so loudly. Hey! Shouldn't we be singing Happy Birthday or something?

Oh piggies, is there no part of you that is not delicious?

Where was I?

My dad & his wife have received offers from my brother, me and all three of her daughters to come live with us in their twilight years. Yes, that is how just COOL they are people. But, in a move that cemented their coolness into legendary status, they assured us all that as soon as they get sick and crotchety that they will check themselves out. That's right people, they will punch their own clock before they become a burden on anyone.

Dad, please PLEASE try to get mom to come around to this mindset. If I have to live with her I SWEAR I will slowly and painfully feed her into the garbage disposal.