Monday, June 27, 2005

Purge

In the latest book I'm reading, the main character finds herself in a moral quandary. Some of the things she has found herself doing lately have flown in the face of some of the morals and values she was raised by. She is alternately confused, alarmed and excepting of these changes.

It made me think about how much of our lives are governed by the "rules" we set for ourselves. I'm not talking about the big societal rules/laws like those forbidding murder or theft. I'm referring to self made decisions like "I won't marry a man who makes less money than me" or "I sex on the first date makes you a slut" or "I have to work out five days a week or I will be a fat pig".

Some of these "rules" are good. They help us to feel good about ourselves, to be able to look that smiling face in the mirror every morning and feel okay. Some them we apparently just make to "test" ourselves.

Everyone's rules are different. Some people think adultery is akin to murder. Some think that humans are genetically programmed to want to stray and who are they to fight nature. Some people refuse to wear white before Memorial Day. Some people think plaid and paisley look good together.

Obviously our upbringing effects all our internal governing rules. It is terrifying, especially as a parent, to realize that sometimes the smallest thing can completely change the direction of a life.

Every decision we make, every day, is another brick in the foundation of who we are. If you "forget" to ring something up in the self-check line at Albertson's you may just figure it balances out the times you have gotten home and something you paid for didn't make it into your bag. Or you may go right back to the store and pay for the overlooked item.

Right and wrong are subject. Sin is a belief. Truth is simply that - truth. It is neither wrong nor right nor good nor bad. That doesn't keep people from spinning the "truth" to their own benefit.

I realize I am just rambling, but stuff doesn't pour out of my head in neat easy to read paragraphs. It gets vomited up in lumpy chunks.