Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Do You See What I See?

"What and how much had I lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what I myself had wished to do? - Ralph Ellison, The Invisible Man

Hasn't everyone, at some point in their life (some of us at frequent points) has stopped and looked our lives, the point in our history that we have achieved at this very moment and wondered "What the...???!!!" This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.

Maybe you are amazed. Maybe you are bemused. Maybe you are just mad as hell.

However, to stop and ponder the path taken (as well as the seemingly endless string of paths not taken) is to drive oneself crazy with the evil "What if..". To stop and realize that every second, every breath, every blink of an eye, a decision is made that affects the entire course of the rest of your life. How would my life be different if I were reading right now instead of typing this? If I were playing with my children? If I were in the shower? If I were to call my mother? If I just sat and stared into space? It's dizzying.

What would I would do if I knew this were my last day on earth? Egads! The pressure! That is the REASON why we can't live our lives like each and every day needs to be the penultimate day of our lives. Laundry would never get done for one. I mean, come on! Who is going to spend their last day perpendicular doing one more load of whites?