Friday, July 01, 2005

Freak of the Week

Okay. I just finished reading Candy Freak by Steve Almond.

Oh, fellow junkies can I get a hallelujah?


Not only is Mr. Almond a self-proclaimed Candy Freak (hence the title) but he is also a goof ball and, occasionally, a potty mouth. All qualities I have happen to admire highly. HIGHLY!

He makes up words like zietschaungundermoutton (German-ish for 'the world in my mouth'). He says things like "What I mean by this is that I imagine what it would be like to lick or chew or suck a great deal of stuff. Examples would include the skin of a killer whale, any kind of bright acrylic paint, and Cameron Diaz's eyeballs."

Are you feelin' me here peeps?

He admits to being, gasp!, uncool on occasion. He likes (not LIKES likes, just, you know, thinks she's cool) a woman because she uses words like 'gunky' and 'wuss'. He himself uses commendable words like "tizzy", "glop", "dickweed" and "totally ass-kicking"(italics his). Oh, and fuck in several variations (my favorite being "I am not going to tell you that this is enough wafers to stretch from the earth to the moon six times. I will say, only, that it is a lot of fucking wafers.")

He also says something that needs to be said. That has NEEDED to be said for a long time. "Every now and again, I'll run into someone who claims not to like chocolate or other sweets, and while we live in a country where everyone has the right to eat what they want, I want to say for the record that I don't trust these people, that I think something is wrong with them, and that they're probably - this must be said - total duds in bed."

Can I get an amen?