Friday, July 08, 2005

Mr & Mrs Blog

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My body heat could warm a small room, and perhaps bake bread.

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It’s not a real pool party until there’s some cellulite in the pool.

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Unfortunately the 'real world' doesn't need Shakespeare consultants.

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I have been trying very hard for the last year or so to get the kids to run away from home.

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I feel ten times better right now and I've made a vow: I'm not drinking for the rest of the month. Seriously.

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We should not know what Fido's skin looks like, but we do, and it is scaly, gray, flaking, and ... ew, sometimes it oozes.

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Fans shouldn't be allowed to vote for all-star games because too many fans are idiots

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The universe truly does have a somewhat twisted conception of timing... which is hardly ever right.

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it's funny how much entertainment a hula-hoop and a 7-yr-old kid can provide

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(haha my dick feels like corn! give me the butter! give me the butter baby!!)

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You have taken the small, character driven script that had a cast attached, locations locked up and what was basically a “go movie” and turned it to a steaming pile of crap that I would be embarrassed to give to Keanu Reeves to read.

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So it now led to this: When people ask for a cigarette, I tell them I can't afford to give them away, but I will make a trade: I will give them a cigarette if they give me a piece of advice.

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My sperm is too busy joking around to find an egg.

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Inside, I'm laughing like a hyena.

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To make a long story short, I eat pineapples a lot.

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That's not the first time I cried to get a cat.

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Nevertheless, when I walk into a room with only 1/50,000th of a dog's sense of smell, I can tell right away if someone dropped ass. I'm no dog, but if there was Taco Bell involved, I usually can tell that, too.

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Although, the 45 minute argument about whether the term "erection" represents an object or a process was fun.

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It's tough to get things done when your organizational chart looks like a series of squished spiders.

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To exemplify what we're dealing with here: they were all wearing matching denim skirts that had their names monogrammed on the ass.

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