Thursday, October 19, 2006

Jr. High School States of America

Alabama - not cool
Alaska - cool (literally, although when you think "Alaska" you think of manly men doing manly things. You never really think about women. Alaskan women are terrifying)
Arizona - cool (not literally, but a state that shows that much flesh on a daily basis HAS to be cool)
Arkansas - not cool (cribbed name off neighboring state and tried to disguise it)
California - cool (It's how they get away with those ridiculous real estate prices - coast hogs)
Colorado - cool (not even John Denver could bring it down)
Connecticut - cool
Delaware - not cool (where the hell IS Delaware anyway?)
Florida - cool (I am afraid to say "uncool" as a bunch of anthromorphic animals might come get me)
Georgia - not cool (sorry Ray)
Hawaii - cool (can you just beam me there right now)
Idaho - not cool (It takes more than Bruce & Demi to bring this potato state around)
Illinois - cool (excluding the losers who call Chicago "Chi town")
Indiana - not cool
Iowa - not cool (are you kidding?)
Kansas - not cool (see Iowa)
Kentucky - not cool (even though Kenfucky makes me laugh)
Louisiana - not cool (now I'm afraid of the Gators coming to get me)
Maine - cool (one crazy twisted writer can't be wrong)
Maryland - not cool ( I started to say cool, but it's called MARY-land for cripes sake!)
Massachusetts - cool (it's just so darn fun to say!)
Michigan - not cool (but they sure try hard)
Minnesota - cool (good lord - that accent! gotta love the accent)
Mississippi - not cool (even though it's fun to say too )
Missouri - not cool (yawn... Next!)
Montana - cool (the men are men and the women can go out and kill something for dinner)
Nebraska - not cool
Nevada - cool (in a weird way)
New Hampshire - cool
New Jersey - not cool (even unborn zygotes know Jersey sucks - the garden state? who are they kidding?)
New Mexico - not cool (not only does this state suck but it is perpetually under construction)
New York - cool (and they don't give a shit what you think, fucker)
North Carolina - cool
North Dakota - not cool (if they all seceded to Canada, would anyone notice?)
Ohio - not cool (o-hell-no)
Oklahoma - not cool (and trust me, I've been trying to give them a chance)
Oregon - cool (but freaky, very very freaky, it's almost an alien planet)
Pennsylvania - cool
Rhode Island - cool (because it's cute and you could put it in your pocket)
South Carolina - cool
South Dakota - not cool (even if it became just one big Dakota, it would still suck)
Tennessee - not cool
Texas - cool (and big. I'm required to say big.)
Utah - not cool (several million Mormons MUST be wrong)
Vermont - cool (they have syrup! And HAM!!)
Virginia - not cool (They SAY "Virginia is for lovers" when what they mean is "If you come here, prepared to get fucked!")
Washington - cool (A Volcano! A rain forest! Coffee! MORE COFFEE! They foreclosed on Courtney Love! Hee Hee!!)
West Virginia - not cool (again, get your OWN name you losers!)
Wisconsin - cool (oh the cheese..guuuuuhhhhh!)
Wyoming - not cool (although I don't think they have speed limits there. They barely have cars)